Change Like Pimpin, Ain’t Easy

I am officially off of the ship. Be careful what you wish for right? When people enter a different or other part of life, they typically reward themselves with something. Like a gift for themselves. If the writing on this post seems extra off or peculiar, it is for a good reason. My gift is a bunch of short-term contemporary pain.

One of the best parts about being a pharmacy technician, and one in small remote oversea clinics around Japan, is that I was in charge of supply. All the drugs which came in and out was probably accomplished by me. Although it wasn’t the same day, but shortly after little Josiah around 2017 gave me my chewing spitter was about the time I realized that I needed some changes in my life.

Dipping tobacco was a great past time. It is how I made friends, some of my most fond memories are connected to my times while dipping. Being passed your spitter though by your infant child was certainly a wake-up call though. Changes needed to happen. That is how I began using nicorette gum as my replacement. This was the time before vaping was posh, or in existence. Chewing had to go, and smoking was more expensive and smelled worse. Chewing nicotine gum was a) free (for me), socially acceptable, and an endless supply since I was the who ordered it. I figured as long as I was good enough at my job then my leadership won’t ask why so many cases of Nicorette was being ordered. I was right.

In the beginning there was a more learning involved than I thought. For starters, I had to memorize which brands had the best flavor, but the best flavor left my lips yellow. I had needed to know which brands were the most cost effective so in case I was squeezed I could argue most bang of the buck.

I knew this wasn’t going to last forever, so when I was transitioning to Afghanistan, I quit then too. Quit for a few weeks, until we got to actual Afghanistan and I started smoking again. The look of disappointment on some role model face’s was hard enough. When I was back home in Sasebo after the deployment, I went straight back to chewing the gum. That was consistent from 2015-2025, I had to write that out to amaze my own eyes, I’ve been using a tool to “ween” me off nicotine for 10 years.

Using my time in Brisbane before I fly home, leveraging the six days to my advantage of going through the withdrawls is do far the plan. As I write this I am on day two. My morning wasn’t actually too bad on the second day, but this afternoon is really catching up. I don’t feel normal. I feel anxious, like something is missing. My head is not a headache, but not without feeling either. I’m not as funny or clear-headed right now. I can feel it. My ambition is gone and I look forward to feeling normal again.

It is safe to say I didn’t exactly like who I was was while I was using Nicotine gum. Having a vice in my mouth for almost every waking hour I was awake was in a way, sad. Nicotine replacement can get very costly, especially when addicted as I was. Using Zyn was not an option because of the cost, and returning to smoking was not an option. Get through these three or four days of misery, convince myself and self-identify that I am NOT a gum user, it should be easy. Right?